My usual go-to is to ask what their latest/current obsession is. It works really well for a few reasons:
- it’s nice and simple to ask - it doesn’t require a monologue/wall of text to set up, and it doesn’t require you to know anything about them to ask it;
- it’s both as personal and as low-stakes as they want it to be. They can give very intimate, in-depth answers if they feel like it, or they can just mention something like the latest film they enjoyed. There’s no risk of making them uncomfortable by asking it;
- it lets you filter out boring people who don’t really take interest in anything;
- assuming they do have interests, it often gives you plenty of opportunities to dive into deeper conversation;
- it’s often engaging for them because they get to talk about something they’re passionate about;
- it’s often interesting for you because people talking about things they’re passionate about is awesome (and often attractive).
- it’s pretty much always relevant and fresh because their latest obsession will change over time. This makes it particularly great for things like dating sites/apps because people’s bios will often be out of date and/or they’ll have talked about the things mentioned in their bio so much that they’re kind of sick of them.
I’ve actually had multiple people on dating sites tell me how great a question they think it is, and that they’re going to use it themselves in the future. So obviously it’s not just me who thinks it’s a great question!
So what do you like to do for fun? Or, What are some of your hobbies?
I find these much better than “so what do you do for work?”, which is what I’m asked constantly. “Yes, person who I don’t know, let me discuss work during my free time with you.”
This is one of the questions that gives me the most social anxiety when meeting new people. It stresses me out because I don’t have any conventional hobbies. I don’t think dicking around on Discord, Lemmy, and YouTube really counts as much of a hobby.
I mean what Discords do you participate in? What Lemmy communities do you follow? What videos on YouTube do you like to watch?
You can reframe this and say, “I like to participate in online chat forums about the latest gaming news and technology (discord). I look for cool recipes and cooking techniques (Lemmy cooking community). And I love trying to find new funny comedians to listen to (YouTube).” I think if you narrow it down to the interests you enjoy, rather than “dicking around online” you’ll find that you have interesting things to talk about.
Obviously those examples are my own, but I’m sure you use those platforms because they feed you certain content that you enjoy.
My go to is “how was your weekend?” Hopefully they’ll drop enough information that you can turn it into a conversation.
It usually ends in awkward silence. 🤐
You: "How was your weekend?“ Them: glares at you in silence
I kind of hate when people ask my things like that because I often had a fun weekend but now can’t remember what all I did so I have to stop and remember for a while before answering, so I usually just say it was nice and hope they don’t ask for more details.
I kind of hate when people ask my things like that because I often had a fun weekend
I hate it for exactly the opposite reason - I seldom go anywhere or do anything interesting the weekend.
I had a friend in college that would just say, “So, what’s your deal?”
I’m shocked at how well it worked. Open ended, so you only get what they’re willing to talk about, but they’ll still be ok talking.
Sounds agressive. Doubt it would work in all circles.
“What’s YOUR deal?” sounds pretty aggressive, “what’s your DEAL?” sounds borderline inflammatory, but I think there’s a very neutral delivery without particular stress that sounds more like an open ended question than an aggression. Still, probably not great around fully sober folks.
It might work in a college environment but if as an adult someone would ask me that I would not take it kindly.
How many hard boiled eggs do you think you can fit in your mouth?
If they are an acquaintance from work or someone I see frequently it might make them laugh and if they give it a moment of thought they’re probably the kind of person I’d enjoy talking with.
In all seriousness though someone already said asking what they are obsessed or passionate about at the moment and I’d probably go that direction. It’s nice to see people enthusiastic about stuff they really like especially if they don’t normally get a chance to talk about it.
Luke : I can eat fifty eggs.
Dragline : Nobody can eat fifty eggs.
Society Red : You just said he could eat anything.
Dragline : Did you ever eat fifty eggs?
Luke : Nobody ever eat fifty eggs
Didn’t expect a Cool Hand Luke reference
Are you forklift certified?
I can’t believe how easy it is to get a forklift certification. All online, never have to touch an actual forklift.
I don’t know if that’s common knowledge, but I just found out because I went through the process myself to get certified.
I can’t believe how easy it is to get a forklift certification.
That varies by jurisdiction.
Where I am, it requires a theory test and an in-person practical test.
And you need to re-certify every 3 years.
I’m in Illinois. After the online stuff, they sent me a certificate which has a signature line for someone at whatever company hires me, to be signed after they train me on the specific truck they have.
