Normally by this point in time in the year, I would already have 80-90% of my holiday shopping done, yes, even before Black Friday, I just try to stay on top of it. However, I don’t feel connected to Christmas as a holiday and don’t want to take part in gift-giving this year. I’ve got three children and some nieces and nephews, though primarily it’s my children I buy for, and I’ve bought for them every year of their lives. I think it’s due to a few different factors, there’s some amount of guilt for having participated as long as I have, but at the same time, I feel that I shouldn’t be participating anymore, or at least for this year. Is anybody else feeling this way this year?
- I’m not a Christian, more Agnostic/Atheist, so it’s not even anything I feel particularly spiritual about, it’s just been this secular tradition that my family did when I was a kid and I’ve just kept going with it out of sheer momentum without really questioning it. I wanted to give my kids a “normal” childhood and obviously you do Christmas for your kids if you’re a good parent, right?
- I’ve been the only active participant ever since my kids were born. My wife, a Christian, doesn’t even participate in gift-giving and has even actively sabotaged the Santa Claus “game”. She’s literally told my young kids (12 , 7, & 6) that there is no Santa Claus and it’s just been me giving the gifts. She’s always done this, but the kids have at least pretended to play along most years (12 year old has known for awhile). So now I feel like I just want to throw the towel in, what’s the use anymore? It’s obvious nobody believes in it anymore, why bother?
- My wife and I are already talking about getting a divorce (due to other long-standing issues) and things have been tense in the household for some time now. I want a dissolution because we agree on most terms, she refuses to participate and won’t budge unless it’s a full divorce. I’m hesitant to bring in lawyers for a divorce with how biased it feels like the court system is in divorces, I would rather have everything negotiated between us beforehand and bring a lawyer in for dealing with details.
- I’ve been getting treated poorly by my wife and other family members particularly bad this year. My kids have been fine, and I hate to feel like I’m “taking it out on them”, but I don’t know why I’m contributing to this family holiday when I’m being made to feel like the black sheep of the family, like I don’t contribute anything anyways (despite being the only one who has ever participated in gift-giving).
- Due to the above family situation and some other events, I’m feeling a bit of depression. I realize that giving gifts could probably raise my spirits, but it just all feels so hollow, like even the temporary hit of happiness from just buying consumer goods for others isn’t enough to make it worthwhile.
- The “magic” is pretty much already gone, probably due to a little bit of above the wife essentially spoiling Santa Claus for multiple years and also due to the kids just growing up naturally. I’m pretty sure all the kids already know what’s going on, so there’s just no impetus to keep the charade going, though it was always going to have transition at some point.
- Some small part of me, despite not being religious, thinks that just mindless gift-giving of consumer goods is not “in the spirit” of Christmas. It’s just this Retail-driven holiday being pushed on us by corporate overlords who want us to BUY MORE STUFF.
- Financials are tighter this year. Certainly not the tightest it’s ever been, I’ve been in much worse situations financially (and still bought gifts), but it is a factor this year, and with potential upcoming hardships due to the incoming administration, it might be better to tighten the belt a little. If this was the only thing, it wouldn’t be much of a factor for me.
I think I’ll sit the kids down at least and talk it over with them, their ages seem young, yet they understand alot at their ages, but I feel like I’d rather be up-front with them about it, rather than them waking up Christmas morning expecting gifts and finding nothing under the tree. Just wondering if I’m just being a douche about the whole thing.
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This is rough man, I’m really sorry to hear all that. Christmas is supposed to be a happy time for everyone even without all the gifts.
Maybe instead of gifts for your kids like physical things, plan a day with just you and them. Do something fun as a family or with each of them individually. Memories like that they can cherish for a long time after this year and gifts dont have to be material.
Given what you said, it sounds like you could use a day of fun with them.
Me. I fucking hate gift giving and it gives me severe anxiety.
Saving money is just a bonus!
I’m sorry to hear about the problems with your wife. I’m sort of in the same boat when it comes to not really feeling connected this year. It’s not a holiday that I feel is important, and I’m not really thrilled about the whole consumerism thing anyway.
That said, I still plan on giving a gift to one special person. The gift itself isn’t important, I think, but I would feel terrible for not taking part in it this year. I’ve avoided the holiday for years, and it really bothers me. I’ve been looking forward to this for a couple of months. It’s not about the gift, though. I’m just happy to have someone special in my life now.
I’ll bring it up with them after the holiday, but I think we’re both on the same page. I think next year we won’t celebrate it.
I just bought a new house through the magic if begging and buttering someone richer than me ( my dad, he wouldnt help until he knew my mom was with me) and even though I had help I have no more money at all. So no, but we’ve been giving less every year regardless.
Edit: idk how I replied to you. My bad this was supposed to be its own.
It’s ok :)
Gift an experience with your kids, involve yourself with there hobbies or maybe buy/help the get supplies for their hobby?
I’m atheist (and used to be extremely Christian once upon a time) and I’ve always celebrated Christmas. I’ve never seen it as a religious holiday, even though Christians try to claim it as their own. It was originally Saturnalia, and has more lore behind it that doesn’t line up with Christian beliefs. Like, who is Santa Claus in Christianity? They literally just took an already established holiday and claimed it for their religion to pull in more followers to their faith. Nah, I’m gonna keep celebrating Christmas without the Christ part. It’s a fun holiday that doesn’t need religion poisoning it.
Is anybody else just Not planning on gift-giving this year?
I’ve always been awkward about mandatory gift-giving situations, like birthdays and Christmas. I prefer to give gifts in the moment, from the heart, that people really need. Not gifts because the situation demands it from me.
As such, I tend to avoid gift-giving for specific holidays and events and tell everyone to avoid giving me gifts in return. I usually buy everything I want for myself anyway, and I hate receiving gifts I never asked for. What am I going to do with a trinket, or daily calendar, or a light-up desk toy? Maybe it’s the ADHD in me, but I like to plan and organize my home and other spaces, and receiving gifts I didn’t ask for messes up my structure. I don’t want to be a jerk, but if you give me a non-functional gift, it’s likely going in the trash the first opportunity I get.
My wife and I are already talking about getting a divorce (due to other long-standing issues) and things have been tense in the household for some time now.
Sounds like you have more on your plate than worrying about gift-giving this year. My recommendation is to give your kids and niblings (nieces and nephews) some simple gifts at a minimum. Don’t ruin their Christmas because the rest of your family are treating you like crap. They aren’t to blame, and they shouldn’t be roped into the drama. If anything, avoiding giving them gifts is just more ammo your family can use to turn them against you.
Keep the peace with the innocent bystanders, but I would totally forego gifts for the rest of your family. Save that money and buy yourself something nice instead. (Or save for a divorce lawyer if you need one)
I don’t do gift giving! I don’t like doing it even though I don’t like the holidays, but the people on my life decided we’re all adults with adult money and we can just skip it. I don’t have kids of my own, but I do have nieces and nephews. I’ll do something special with them. I prioritize experiences and memories over presents for them.
I don’t like gift-giving when it’s to be expected around a particular time of year. Ruins the magic of that and intent.
Donate to abortion access funds in people’s name.
Then send them a card saying “I got you an abortion for Christmas.”
I wish I could but my friends and family refuse to not buy me stuff. I respect their traditions, but they don’t respect my decision to not be involved.
Then I look like a jackass at Christmas when they give me all these gifts. I know the correct answer is go no contact or leave the function once the gifts start coming out. But I am weak and I love them to much to make those hard choices.
I’ve taken to publicly announcing their gifts in the group chat. All alcohol because we are all alcoholics. This takes maximum enjoyment out of the process. Malicious compliance is all i have till I move on from existing here.
man, you’ve just summed up my entire experience with Christmas. weird, awkward, somewhat hollow and depressing. its best if your a kid, but the whole thing seems like it’s pushed on us every year and everyone is expected to give/receive shit. Now, things are about to get more expensive and we’re supposed to act like everything is cool. the world these days isn’t a jolly place, so I’m not gonna pretend even for a month, that it is.
I got a book on folding origami boxes and have become moderately proficient at it. I thought to save some money this year, maybe I’ll just give everyone a box? But then it occurred to me something probably needs to go in the box to complete the gift? Doh!
I have never been much of a gift-giver. Didn’t grow up in a family that placed much emphasis on birthday or Christmas gifts (because we were poor, not because we were morally enlightened).
Now, I have no kids of my own to buy for and too many nieces/nephews to buy something significant for everyone, so we just don’t. My wife and I either buy what we want on our own or give gifts to each other in the moment rather than waiting for a holiday when we’re ‘supposed’ to.
We are going on a long vacation over the Christmas/New Year period, though. That’ll be nice.
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My family was religious enough that they made it super clear that Santa was fake. Us kids still got little gifts “from Santa,” but they were of the stocking-stuffer variety. All other gifts were from specific people. As a kid I liked getting stuff, but the more important thing about the holiday was spending time with family, and them showing their love. Gifts was one way to show, but spending time, preparing meals, and just being present without worrying about other life issues also did it. It is the thought that counts, but you have to show that you’re thinking about them. Honestly, your kids might appreciate not having to pretend they still believe in Santa. As other people have said here, don’t catch your kids in the crossfire. If there’s something they’re really looking forward to, get it for them, but label it “from Dad” or Mom and Dad if you’re feeling generous. If they don’t have their hopes on something, a trip or experience might be good. Not sure what experience fits both a 6 year old and a 12, but I assume you know your kids better than I do. As for the rest of your family, they can stick it. They don’t seem interested in participating in the holiday, so don’t include them.
I hate the holidays.
The worst part is people asking me what I’m doing for the holidays. The last few years I’ve replied with, “avoiding family”, and most people laughed.
