Going well, had a series of minor fuck ups at work that were super embarassing and made me look a fool infront of my co-workers, but it’s all sorted out and there’s no problems resulting from it so I am not in any trouble as it was a miscommunication issue between me, marketing, and the founder of the company above all else. So they just fixed the situation with me and we continued on our way.

Still it sucks to fuck up though, especially on a project I love to work on.

Better than last week, doing more work as our Kickstarter continues, we’re still 19k away from our goal with less than 2 weeks left though… Which is a major stressor. But other than that life has been good and calm.

Not great. My company is doing a Kickstarter for a project we are working on and have spent tens of thousands of dollars on and it looks like it is set to fail if our marketing agency doesn’t work it’s voodoo magic in the last week or two of our campaign. Because right now we are fucked and I am going to be out of 2 jobs.

So I will have to go on benefits (again), probably end up relapsing into heroin addiction for a bit to handle the pain.

Started my first week of work since I got addicted to heroin and fell into a crisis a few years ago, finally back on track in a major and definitive way, and work is going very well, just wrapped up my second day!

Going great, having some issue with my new 3D printer but nothing that won’t be solved with a replacement part or three (fucking prusa MK4 expansion joints, impossible to source anywhere but from the prusa site and they strip easier than a desperate sex worker), but regardless of that my relationship with meghan is progressing very well, we moved onto the ‘i love you’ stage after she accidentally blurted it out after I gave her a gift and we both kinda just rolled with it.

She also left this very cute note after our last date for me to find when I got back from dropping her home. So life is great right now, I start my job this coming Monday too.

Update on my interview, I got the fucking job! I’ll be back in VR QA as a QA Analyst contracted at 20 hours a week with potential to go full time later in development, they’re paying about £18 ($22.72) - £20 ($25.24) an hour which is amazing as well, I can’t wait to actually have money again… I start in Mid April once I sign the contract (once they have actually written it up fully) and the NDA as well since the game is currently in development. Company seems very well managed too, I am working with two of my best friends from my old job who were absolutely lovely to work with (they actually got me the interview to begin with), so I am super excited to start mid April and to get an eye on the project we are gonna be making.

I am so fucking happy.

Tired week, but a good week. Spending a lot of time on my 3d printer and having fun with it and printing stuff as gifts and upgrades.

Plus I got an interview for a potential QA position at a new VR company tomorrow!

Going amazingly. Started going out with Meghan officially as of last Saturday, she’s poly so it’s not like we’ve gone exclusive or anything but it’s a nice change, and hearing her refer to me as (one of) her partner(s) makes me super happy. I plan on talking to her about how things are going and expectations and the like just to make sure there’s no potholes on the road ahead, especially since this is my first relationship.

But she’s coming over again this Thursday and I’m coming over to her work on Friday for some food and maybe to chill at her place too depending on when she gets off work.

Pretty good still on course with some moderate swell of the proverbial oceans, and of my sentences today it seems so this is a long one.

Finally got some news about getting an official and legal supply of methylphenidate via the Transfer Your Care scheme in the UK, going with an NHS approved service that checks my former diagnosis (or requesting that I do a new one, depends on the doctor and the patient individually) and getting medication sorted out, it’ll take about 2 weeks once I have the appointment, which is at the end of fucking April…

I’m both relieved it’s finally coming and pissed it takes so long despite paying out of pocket for this bullshit all privately because the waiting list for ADHD diagnosis alone is 2+ years. But on the good side it’ll be much cheaper (£440 cheaper aka $564) than it is to buy the medication illegally and keep myself sane that way, I at least have a tested and clean source of the drug but it costs £500 a month at my dosage. I will have to buy it again next month until the appointment kicks in and we can get a prescription written ASAP.

So in short, I am down from 40k savings before this bullshit began 8 years ago to somewhere around 10k if I am lucky, honestly do not want to ask my parents the state it is in, too scared to look because I know I will calculate how long until I am fucked and can’t pay for therapy and shit anymore.

But life goes on well interpersonally, my fwb Meghan that I have been dating is still meeting me twice a week and she has said she is open to a relationship if it feels like one would develop too just as a background. I am coming over to her place this coming Wednesday and she’s coming over again on Saturday to play BG3 on my PC lol. Also working on some 3D prints for Meghan as a gift, they’ve been really fun to work on and it’s given me something to do. This medication is a god send for allowing me to actually live my life by doing stuff instead of drifting inbetween everything imaginable with my ADHD.

Feeling great today, had my like seventh date with the chef girl (from this point I shall just call her by her name, Meghan), we went out to wagamamas and got some ramen, then to another place with some godly delicious mochi (pricey tho), now I am back home and have started to re-enter some hobbies I dropped during my worst times mentally, stuff like 3D Printing and VR, showing my hobbies (even ones I mostly dropped until now) to Meghan makes me excited for them all over again.

Seems like I am meeting twice a week with the chef girl on the regular now, we swap who comes over who’s city each visit. Things are going pretty well in that respect, our 7th date comes up on this Thursday where I will be going over her place again.

But my life is still a bit of a mess as I can’t get effective ADHD medication because my diagnosis was private (because the waiting list for a diagnosis on the NHS is 2+ years), so now I have to suffer through being unmedicated and buy what little methylphenidate I can afford off the black market to keep myself sane for the foreseeable future, makes me feel pretty fucking hopeless in that respect.

Seems like I am meeting twice a week with the chef girl on the regular now, we swap who comes over who’s city each visit. Things are going pretty well in that respect, but my life is still a bit of a mess as I can’t get effective ADHD medication because my diagnosis was private (because the waiting list for a diagnosis on the NHS is 2+ years), so now I have to suffer through being unmedicated and buy what little methylphenidate I can afford off the black market to keep myself sane for the foreseeable future, makes me feel pretty fucking hopeless.

Very good, got back from my fifth date with the chef girl and it went super well, we spent hours together and we both managed to get off in the end as well unlike the first time where I couldn’t keep it up from the anxiety and anticipation.

That’s what I’ve been doing and it seems to be working out so far.

Fourth date with the chef girl went very well all this considered, we ended up having sex (non PIV since I was very physically but not mentally anxious annoyingly as I just couldn’t keep it up despite really wanting to and not feeling anxious at all mentally) which was amazing and she spent basically 5 or 6 hours at my place cuddling naked and doing stuff, then watched the bo burnham special ‘Inside’ which she is a big fan of. Quite good for my first musical.

Thankfully the girl is very understanding about the performance issues since it was my very first time doing anything like this and she is happy to see me agan twice next week :). She is so lovely.

It went pretty well, we didn’t end up having PIV sex in the end (but we did some other non PIV stuff which was very fun still) since my body was way more nervous than I mentally was, I just couldn’t keep it up as a result. Thankfully the girl is a saint and totally understands and is happy to see me again twice next week :).

Super excited for tomorrow, gonna lose my virginity to that really nice and fun chef girl. She’s coming over to my place for a good few hours.

My third date with the chef girl went super well, we ended up doing some pretty sexual stuff but she started her period the day before so our action was limited in that respect, still had a great time before and after we started doing that stuff though. Her guniea pigs were so cute and fluffy, though I was pissed on by one of them lol.

Got my fourth date at my house and we’re gonna go all the way for the first time (for me) on Wednesday, pretty excited.

It went super well in the end, ended up doing some sexual stuff, we were gonna go all the way but her period started the day before so we are meeting up again the coming Wednesday for that which should be fun since it’s my first time, she’s super chill and seemingly into me a pretty good bit too.

Still great, waiting on my third date with the chef girl on Friday. Can’t wait for it.