Gig went great, lots of attendance, we hit bar goal so they invited us back, my set ended up being peak crowd and everyone was dancing instead of chatting in the front room, got a ton of compliments including a “I don’t normally like EDM but your set was great” which is always a treat

Had a wonderful weekend with a few great dates, continued good vibes into this week. I play a DJ gig tonight with a crew that I’m involved with the organization of, we’re trying to find a weekday night to regularly takeover and I’m excited to see what kinda turnout we get.

Last weekend was Folsom weekend, so right now I’m eepy and recovering from staying out far too late each night.

Been sick for 13 days, went in to urgent care yesterday because it had progressed to a sore throat in the last few days and turns out it’s strep. Glad I’m on antibiotics and hoping to feel better soon.

It’s hard to engage with such short replies. What parts confuse you? What do you need more guidance on? Is there anything else that is unclear about my response and how we value community around here?

Beehaw may not be the right space for you if you’re unable to consider context. Beehaw is explicitly a community, a safe space, and somewhere where context absolutely matters. We don’t believe it’s possible to have a healthy community where people don’t see each other as complex humans. We talk about this, quite a bit in our docs, for example in the the doc titled Beehaw is a community we talk about how community is a necessary part of this platform and in the doc titled Beehaw, Lemmy, and A Vision of the Fediverse we talk about how we want to be more like a village than we do a train station (and link to a fantastic article about this) and that’s a direct reflection of the importance of social ties and connections to running a healthy community.

I’m certainly not saying that you should leave, but I am typing all of this up because I need you to understand what our values are around here. Some of your content and your interactions have already been reported by multiple people - I mention this because I think it’s a reflection of your attitude towards your purpose here and how you are interacting with the space. I’ve advised others to hold on taking moderator actions because I know adapting to and interfacing with a community and that this process can often be bumpy- we wish to give people good faith when it is deserved, but that is predicated on a willingness to engage in good faith with the community. If that is not how you wish to interact with social media, that is your decision and we will respect it, but this is not a place where we allow that kind of behavior.

I use it/its in spaces where I do not plan on engaging with people as individuals

I see your pronouns on Beehaw are it/its, can you clarify whether you intend on engaging with people as individuals and if not how that shapes how you treat them?

Everytime discussions like this pop up, I can’t help but ponder upon how other people view language. Words are not universal. Perhaps it’s my neurodivergence or the fact that I’ve studied language, but I’ve always found it odd that others can prescribe such meaning to a single word, or for a word to have a strict definition absent context. I don’t know a single word in any language which only has a single definition- nearly every word has multiple definitions because it’s a reflection of how language is abstract. We create words to convey ideas, which are often ethereal in nature- they often lack clear boundaries.

But more than that, we internalize definitions much more often than we look them up. We use language based on how the people around us use language. We pick up their sayings, the slang they use, the way they structure grammar, the things they emphasize and minimize, and the words they borrow from other languages. Any slur that’s been used on you is something you will carry with you and will hold more weight that slurs which are used on others because the experience is tied to an emotional state. But it goes further than that, happy words which are tied to happy memories will have a different connotation than happy words which you’ve never used or never been exposed to. Language is inherently human and therefore inherently emotionally charged and socially defined.

Unfortunately you can never control how others use language. How you view a word cannot be the same as everyone else, because they haven’t lived your life. For some, weird may be empowering - a way to step into and own their eccentricity and difference; a celebration of diversity. Some may have never heard it used in the contexts you’ve mentioned. Others still may have experienced both othering and reclamation. Ultimately language will continue to be used whether you are comfortable with it or not. I’ve personally found that leaning into language which has been used against me negatively has helped to disempower it and the more I reclaim that language the less it bothers me and the more I view it as a source of pride.

I live in SF and 120/month would be cheap compared to what it is up here lol

Upgraded my network to Wi-Fi 7, upgraded my NAS to 2.5gbe, reconfigured my torrent setup. This was all to distract me from the new girl who called and tried to break up with me on Sunday 😔 poly woes. I think I’ve figured out what I want to tell her next weekend but this really sucks because she said she wanted something serious and seemed interested but then I was maybe too enthusiastic? I dunno I’m really confused on this one

Leaving this higher up as a reply so it’s visible - this back and forth between you and @[email protected] was reported. While this discussion generally remained civil, this is a reminder that we should treat each other with good faith on this website as that’s the nice thing to do. This is also a reminder that sometimes it’s healthier to disengage than it is to keep talking past each other.

Be the change you want to see in the world! Make text posts, or start discussions in the threads of links that inspire you 💜

Went to a bunch of shows last weekend. Of note, Saturday night was amazing, I got to see 2 good friends DJ at one venue and then when they finished we made our way out to the forest rave to see another friend spin. A recent first date (three days prior) mentioned they didn’t get out enough so I invited them to come, and despite having never been to a rave they showed up! We ended up staying at the forest all night long. It’s the first time in years I’ve truly pulled an all nighter on purpose and not due to bad insomnia and it was wonderful and magical in all the right ways. I’m not certain whether it left me sick (I was feeling worse yesterday) or my body is just still recovering, but it was completely worth it.

Had shoulder surgery last week, went out dancing, and played a gig at a burner play party up in the Oakland hills. Made a connection with another DJ there who throws queer centered parties, so excited for that! Started this week off still catching up on my sleep deprivation but feeling generally pretty good. I’ve managed to line up a few dates for this week with new people too- looking forward to those future connections. Going to two DnB shows this week, which I think is the most DnB shows I’ve seen in one week because there’s usually not that many going on.

Yeah I know I typically cut people like this out of my life but knowing when it’s a pattern and not just bad luck and life being busy right now is kinda where things are at right now. I’m hoping it’s the latter but I’m leaning towards the former and I think I’m going to assert a boundary next time we plan something

Supremely frustrated as of late of flakey people who make plans which fall through and considering setting a boundary around that or just not doing the labor to keep them in my life. Not sure what I wish to do at this point, to be honest, and need to think on it. With that being said, I’m otherwise doing well, on the last few days of antibiotics to recover from strep. Just a few weeks out from getting the peripheral nerve stimulator put back in, assuming they don’t blow an IV or two again, so hoping that goes well and doesn’t get infected again.

Not a great start, been sick with the worst sore throat of my life for the past few days. Took a look at my tongue today and saw white spotting, so decided to go in to get it checked. Rapid strep negative but all the clinical indicators so I’m on antibiotics while the await the throat culture. This sickness has been kicking my ass. Hoping it’ll get resolved soon 🤞

Okay gotcha. To answer some of your questions directly:

• I mostly find dates from apps, but that’s because people are my special interest. I love getting to know how humans work. They absolutely fascinate me, so getting a date means I get to learn about someone new and there’s a good chance it’ll turn into something longer term.
• I’m pretty activity agnostic when it comes to dates, I’m there to enjoy socializing with and learning about how people think and what knowledge they can share with me. Often times dates come with activities and that means there’s other things to enjoy like a good restaurant, interesting art, connecting with nature, or whatever the date entails
• What is going on is a great question! I have no idea. I just like spending my time around people who I vibe well with and dating is a way to find them. Sometimes the vibes are mediocre but even then I get to learn how other people view the world and that’s really valuable and interesting knowledge to me

There are clear rules and patterns you follow. It’s kinda like a script with some improvisation in between.

As a relationship anarchist, I couldn’t disagree more and it’s a regular source of anxiety and tension for me because many people think this, yet differ so widely in what that script looks like. The classic low stakes example of this is when and where and how the first kiss should happen. The reality, though, is that it goes so much deeper. The unspoken rules can extend to things as simple as ‘my partner should open doors for me’ to ‘unless my partner says otherwise we will spend every birthday and important holiday together’ to ‘my partner cannot be emotionally close with a members of the genders they are attracted to’ and so much more. People often don’t even consciously know what their needs and assumptions are and it can lead to fights over acceptable behavior or a waxing/waning of sexual and romantic interest. I’ve seen countless relationships fall apart over unwritten rules that neither side realized were rules or boundaries they wanted in the relationship!