I feel so guilty because I’m honestly spiraling but everyone keeps telling me I’m not. I can’t, because it makes them look worse.

I don’t even know where to begin.

Going through difficult times is not a weapon in a dick-measuring contest to determine who’s owed the most pity. Downplaying somebody else’s problems in order to make one’s own problems seem more important is not something a friend* does, period.
But then again, those people may just be unable to imagine you holding yourself together so well if you really had all those problems you describe. That’s still no excuse though, a real friend should listen to you and believe you.

I think what (some of) your ‘friends’ are doing is reminiscent of crab mentality. That’s the mechanism that makes sure you’re being gifted a never-ending supply of chocolate and junk food as soon as people notice you’ve successfully lost weight, or alcoholics insisting that their dry friend has just one small beer with them for old times’ sake.
One of the foundations of crab mentality is the assumption that life is a zero-sum game and/or desired resources are scarce, i.e. if you get more sympathy/attention then somebody else will get less.

I’m not saying you should do this - that would require some hefty assumptions about you and your life - but one of the best things I’ve ever done is ranking all my friends and family by the degree to which they’ve made my life better or dragged me down over the years, balanced scorecard-style. It sounds heartless but with some people was a real eye-opener for me.

Either way, surround yourself with people that give something back. If that means losing some ‘friends’, then so be it. A handful of real friends will get you much further than hordes of false ones.

( * I’m including family members here, though they can generally get away with much more BS than a friend just because they’re family.)

What’s your favourite position then?

Thanks though, it’ll be “fun” having my niece and nephew tell me how I’m old

They’ve only started doing that now? Lucky you!

Seriously though, the 40’s aren’t a bad age. I hope you’ve had a great party and enjoyed it. And remember, getting older means you’ve survived this far!

Happy birthday, whenever it is! You know what they say - once you’ve turned 40, when you wake up and nothing hurts, you know you’re dead. So far can mostly confirm. But on the other hand, you’re officially entitled to ask kids to get off your lawn now. It all sort of evens out.

Ack. Bedbugs are the worst. Fingers crossed you’ve gotten rid of the little fuckers.
In case you didn’t know yet, there are dogs that can sniff out bedbugs. A friend of a friend trains such dogs and she says demand is high. If you haven’t tried that already, maybe it’s worth a shot?

Around here I can’t say there are many dull moments.

Barring a surprise blizzard in April, spring appears to have arrived in full force. We all enjoy the days getting longer and warmer and stuff getting greener. Our cherry(?) tree is already in full bloom.
Last week the gardener was here to discuss some work around the house - we’re looking to get a new fence, turn an uneven gravel/weed field into additional parking spots and replace some hedges. The cost estimates should arrive tomorrow so we can start picking the things we can afford.

Once the garden gets a do-over, I can also design the new mood lighting and install new underground cabling. The current garden lanterns’ brightness levels are very individual and heavily depend on how wet or dry the soil around the cables is. It’s also impossible to get at the cables without ripping all of them apart.

Somebody who had to leave the company under less-than-ideal circumstances a few years ago, died a couple of weeks ago, presumably of natural causes greatly helped along by excessive smoking and a suspected drinking habit. SO who was the one to let her go back then feels bad about it, though objectively there’s nothing she or anybody else could have done.
To help her get this (and other things) off her mind, I took her to a four-day road trip to Como, Monaco and Nice, which sounds much fancier than it was. But it was a good idea and helped us both to get some lovely mediterranean sun and untangle some stuff in our lives.

This also was the first long trip with my electric car. Travelling in it was an absolute pleasure both for me as the driver and for SO as the passenger. Charging it was rather easy and straightforward all through Switzerland and Italy, though prices are a labyrinth. It definitely pays to check whether a particular charge point is cheaper with Plugsurfing, SwissCharge, Chargepoint or direct payment.
France was a bit of a disappointment in that aspect, at least the Alpes-Maritimes. There were precious few fast chargers in the first place, Nice was full of chargers that only residents can use, and on many rest areas we either couldn’t charge at all because of a thoroughly unhelpful error massage, or we needed to download an app just for this one charge point. There’s definitely some room for improvement.

Speaking of work, the accountant and I have devised a solution for a long-standing problem / conflict concerning people working for us with different types of salaries. It’s not as elegant as I had been hoping for, but the rules are simple and the process can be automated to a high degree. Now I need to develop the new workflow and extend our payroll software accordingly, which is going to cause a headache or two. Especially until the other person doing salaries has been convinced to use all of the tools as intended.

At home I’ve finally found some time to de-junk the room that’s supposed to be(come) my workshop. It looks so much better now and I’m so happy that I walk through there several times a day just to enjoy the free floor space.
Sadly the previously very tidy shelter (a separate room) is now full of boxes from the workshop. Plus I also still need to install a missing air exhaust valve in the shelter. I’ve finally obtained the valve, but the existing bolts have apparently been installed by a kindergartener - not a single one is in the correct position, so I need to saw them all off and install new ones. The fun part is that they’re very difficult to obtain, as only a handful are certified for use in shelters in the first place, and they’re normally only sold to businesses. Argh. There are just way too many regulations for such a simple thing!
But…! The fiber network I’ve installed in the shelter works like a dream and I’m very happy. No more copper cables blocking the place where the valve should be.

Maybe I should also install a TV and a small fridge in the shelter. It’s the only place in the house where I’d be guaranteed to not even hear it if anyone’s looking for me. And as far as I can tell, the kids aren’t even consciously aware of its existence. Hmmm…

I’ve also used the workshop to finally finish a small pet project of mine - a doggy stick library to set up at the place where we normally go for walks and to meet other dogs. It’s not much to brag about in terms of woodworking skills or looks, but I’m very happy that it’s survived the first couple of rainstorms and looks like it’s already been used by other dog persons. Sadly the image upload facility currently appears to be broken, not sure if the issue is with Beehaw or Jerboa. So no picture today.

I’ve also tried to subscribe the entire family to a fire safety course, so next time somebody sets the kitchen on fire (twice so far within a year) they know what to do. Sadly it’s difficult for everybody to be available at any of the current course dates. Maybe I can teach a mini-course myself with one of the fire blankets and extinguisher sprays we have around the house, but the fun part of the real course is that huge steel contraction where you can simulate all kinds of fire and small explosions to fight.

SO will also fly to Argentina in April to visit some family members and enjoy the distance from people who cause her stress or work at home (i.e. kids and workmates).
We’re aware of the country’s political and economic situation, and we know how not to draw attention to the fact that we’re rich gringos who probably don’t understand the language and local tricks to fleece tourists very well (we do know most tricks and how to protect against them). But still I worry about her - a lot has changed since our last family trip in 2019, and people’s desperation is ever increasing. I hope her sister the police officer will join her in Buenos Aires.

Ugh. Probably all of them.
As long as they don’t conclude that obnoxious behaviour is acceptable in your place, that is.

Maybe loud military-style exercise music at 0600 sharp would help?

I can’t offer much good advice or help, only some friendly words. Ziggy sounds like she’s had a good life with a loving family. The way you describe her situation there’s probably not much more that could be done for her even if money were no issue, but I would argue that you’re already doing the most important thing: being there for her and showing her that she’s loved and not alone.
Spending a pet’s last days or hours together is the hardest part of having a pet. Some pets are family members, which is something pet-less people for the most part can’t understand. You caring (and being strong) for Ziggy despite feeling helpless yourself is probably the most precious gift you can give her. Never forget that. Whatever happens in life that you have no control over - and cancer is a super-extra shitty example - the most important thing is to have somebody who cares about you. And for Ziggy that’s you.

The chart below shows the ARS/USD exchange rate over the last five years.
The peso has been in steady decline for years, with the last big drop in December, about a week before the presidential election.

The exchange rate doesn’t tell the whole story of course, but neither does attacking Milei for dismantling Argentina’s social programs. The reason for Argentina’s ongoing problems is that the state has literally dozens (if not hundreds) of social programs that it simply cannot afford, along with regulations strangling otherwise healthy businesses. The Peronists have always ‘solved’ this problem by a) borrowing whatever they can (and then defaulting on the debt) and b) printing more money. This has unsurprisingly led to ever-increasing inflation and rampant poverty.\

The Peronist/Kirchnerist presidential candidate (Massa) planned to counter the threatening hyperinflation by printing more money for more subsidies to counter the effects of the inflation. Let that sink in for a moment.

The point is, Argentina’s current system of subsidies and handouts is not sustainable, and hasn’t been for decades. That’s not a political opinion but simple math: you cannot spend more than you earn forever.

How that problem can and should be solved is of course debatable. Milei is certainly far from an ideal president, but when you bash him, keep in mind what the alternative to him would have looked like… and maybe give him a chance to prove his critics wrong if he gets Argentina’s economy back on track, which would be something the faux-left Peronistas/Kirchnerites have failed to do for the better part of eight decades now.

(Source: xe.com)

Yeah. I’m hardly a fan of everything he says or does, but it’s a bit like appointing a new captain an hour after the Titanic hit the iceberg, then blaming him for not stopping the ship from sinking. Argentina was well on its way to hyperinflation long before the presidential elections.

What language(s) do you program in? I do most of my work in C# but there’s the occasional shell (csh, bash) or PHP script.

Thanks! I’m feeling much better already. Luckily the internet outage wasn’t at our place. Switzerland is weird like that in places - around here we get fiber all over the countryside, and in most bigger cities of the region you have to do with a copper cablw from the 80’s or 90’s. Our fiber even comes with a 99.9% uptime promise. One of the kids uses the house mostly for LAN parties. 😅

What kind of coworking would that be, in terms of projects, tools used and (mutual) expectations?

Well let’s see. During the course of last week, what at first felt like a harmless though persistent cold grew into an acute inflammation of pretty much everything from my ears down to my bronchia. But I have antibiotics now and the doctor and I have had an interesting chat about the state of Switzerland’s various healthcare systems, so there’s that.

There was a prolonged internet outage at the place the kids were scheduled to stay (they alternate between their father’s house, our nearby apartment and in one case a student flat-share), which may or may not have helped them decide that they want to spend the weekend with us at our house which is further away from them (but has rock-solid fiber internet), which was nice. I enjoy this quality family time and am very happy that they feel at home in this house, even though ‘feeling at home’ in their case means they spend most of their time in their room surfing social media or watching TV. We still get to spend enough time together that I’m thankful for a couple of days low on teenage drama afterwards.

It’s spring weather here and we’re enjoying the sun until the inevitable return of winter sometime in March. I’m looking forward to when my ears stop hurting in a couple of days so I can go outside again and get myself some freshly made vitamin D.

I don’t see that happening before revolt does.

Yes, but say you’re the one in power and you have spent the last few decades nanipulating as many people as possible into believing that you’re on their side and their enemy is actually the guy trying to raise minimum wages, tax the rich, introduce affordable health care and equal opportunities… what will that revolt look like?

I’m revisiting old favourites of mine - the first two books of the “achtsam morden” (mindful murder) series by Karsten Dusse. Unfortunately they’re German so probably not of much interest to you, but if you happen to speak it or come across a translation that I’m not aware of, do give the first book a try.

The protagonist is a lawyer mainly working for a mobster he doesn’t like. He’s increasingly unhappy with his work and life, and his marriage and the relationship with his little daughter are falling apart… until his wife forces him to go to a mindfulness seminar. When he starts applying the things he learns there, his life takes a dramatic turn as the results of his mindfulness are the death of his boss, him taking his place as the leader of a criminal enterprise and eventually using the enterprise’s resources to kill his opponents one by one and secure his daughter a place in kindergarten.
Especially the first book is a pleasant read both for the protagonist’s stoically mindful handling of increasingly violent and unlikely situations and for the actual exercises in mindfulness explained and demonstrated to the reader. You learn both why you should still love your parents-in-law even if you hate their guts (and how to do that) as well as how to correctly detonate a couple of hand grenades taped to a mobster’s nuts, all from the point of view of a very smart lawyer (which the author actually is in real life). In that the book is both educational and entertaining at the same time.

I also like RUD (rapid unscheduled disassembly).

Couch potatoes are important too! And from the looks of it she was a pro.

Mine should enjoy agility in theory - she’s super smart, easily bored, very nimble and needs a lot of exercise. I don’t know if she’s being considerate by trying not to expose her clumsy human to such situations or if she just thinks such simple challenges would be degrading to such a majestic animal as herself.
At least our slightly overweight french bulldog (of all things) is ultra-motivated as long as there’s a treat waiting behind every other obstacle.

Sounds like both a practical and fun car! Here’s to many adventures with it.

As for the name, I have no idea. For some reason, Pierre comes to mind. Maybe because Nissan is french nowadays, or maybe I’ve just rewatched too many episodes of Danger 5 this week.

I’ve never dabbled in poly myself (just open relationships, which have some similar mechanics but a fundamentally different mindset), so the following is limited second-hand knowledge/opinion, but seeing as nobody else has replied…

First of all I don’t think there’s a definite answer to your question, as ‘poly’ is an umbrella term for a lot of different constellations: does everybody date everybody or are people just allowed to have several unrelated partners, is everything fair game or are there things you’re only supposed to do with your main partner (if there is one), how are new partners introduced, who can have sex with whom, do the same rules even apply to everybody involved, etc. There’s no right or wrong, only “everybody involved is comfortable with this” or not.

I myself haven’t seen many poly constructs work out mid- to long-term, mainly for the same reason that many open relationships eventually fail: not everybody involved was equally enthusiastic about the open/poly part, and/or as mindful of their partner(s) ad the situation demands.

Those I’ve seen succeed all have two things in common: very, very good communication and unconditional trust.

One part of this is what some call “brutal honesty” - you talk about everything that might affect your feelings for each other - even, and especially, the things that may hurt your partner(s)'s feelings. This obviously demands a lot from everybody involved. You also need to accept the fact that your partner(s) will have feelings that may be hurtful to you but are still valid and good for them. For example you need to be genuinely happy for the person you love the most in the world when they fall in love with somebody new and/or have had better sex with them than with you. That’s tough on many levels. It also means that there needs to be enough trust to accept and overcome jealousy and fear of loss.

You also see how easily such a degree of trust can be abused. That abuse accounts for, hmm, probably 90% of all the failed poly and open situations I personally know of. It never works out when one partner just goes along with it in order not to (entirely) lose the other partner, which sadly happens alot and is not always obvious from the start.

Funnily enough, a monogamous relationship would profit just as much from that kind of communication, only a monogamous break-up is generally more of an obstacle than a shift in a poly constellation (both for personal reasons and because of what society expects), and so monogamous constructs can be of a much lower quality before they’re deemed unsustainable.

I’ve also asked a close friend with poly experience what they think is important and will add their response here once they’ve replied.

My driving instructor always used to say “for all its faults, a car is still highly addictive”, and he’s totally right. But of course how much you enjoy driving it depends on where and how much you do that. Congrats anyway! What type of car is it, and what style of name did you have in mind?