Grass Metal!

Mowing my lawn must be a fucking nightmare for everything involved. ☹️

My poop told me to stop eating Fiber 1 bars for a while, and it was right. I haven’t shit a cow patty in two days now.

Andrew Santino and Bobby Mom.

I tried for years to enjoy the Beatles, but I never really felt the same magic that others do. I certainly respect what they accomplished, but I find most of their music is just weird and whimsical.

My nostalgia for the little things in nature are honestly one of the most meaningful things in my life, and often something as simple as the sound of leaves quietly rattling across the ground on a damp autumn night evokes a deeply spiritual feeling.

It was likely a permanent Sharpee marker. Hopefully it holds up. Fingers crossed that I’m able to return there as a ghost one day to watch someone unearth what they believed was a map to the family treasure.

It’s been a few years but I don’t remember that at all, but I’d be interested to see if I’m bothered by it on a re-watch.

There’s a phenomenal French horror series on Netflix called Marianne that my wife and I enjoyed immensely. I don’t usually shoot for that particular brand of horror (demon/ghost), but Marianne is fucking excellent. Can’t recommend it enough.

The masses know nothing of the crunch. They’ve never even been to the crunch.

My brother and I put a corked glass bottle down in an old defunct drainage pipe beneath my parents’ house. This pipe/canal is quite large and isn’t obstructed by the bottle, and the bottle can clearly be seen by peering into a hole in the cement of the basement storage room. Inside of that bottle is a carefully folder paper bearing on it a crude drawing of a cock and balls.

Weird that you pass through so much of Ohio and don’t find any peepee or poopoo within.

The Rizzler is the smaller brother here. He’s in the videos with the other two. I got a good laugh out of that little chubby kid being called the goddamn Rizzler, but other than that I had my fill of them after one or two videos.

I used to be over 350 lbs. with long, thin, greasy hair and a very pale complexion. My nose isn’t long, but it’s a bit pointy. Probably had dark eye sockets if I’m being honest about my health at the time. Anyway, my friend’s brother stood in front of me when we were sitting around drunk, and said “No offense, but you look like the Penguin (from Batman) right now.” Then went on to try to make that sound less offensive by suggesting it was just the lighting or the angle or something. But I knew what he was talking about. He was absolutely right. I never felt worse about myself.

Thankfully I lost all that weight over a decade ago. Shaved my head, got healthier, grew a beard, and had what my wife calls a tremendous glow-up. But I used to be the Penguin… So you should watch out.

My daughter’s pre-school just sent out a message this week that the kids are preparing for a Christmas concert. It asked parents to help them practice the lyrics in the meantime and then provided a copy of that atrocity. There’s like five other popular Christmas songs I can think of off the top of my head that are religiously neutral, but we couldn’t do Up On the Housetop, could we?

There really is no escaping her.

Good & Plenty and Mike and Ikes.

I also want to punch MAGAs and their dorky red hats, but you don’t really get to tell them to remove them. That’s their dumb fucking choice. Not worth getting booted off a plane for. Your energy would be better spent walking past them multiple times during the flight to fart.

That explains all the bots.

These guys’ mistake was investing their skill points into coal mining. You’re not getting rare jewels in there, no matter how much you tell yourself you might find a diamond. They don’t spawn in coal mines. You’re guaranteeing a permanent and progressive debuff (Black Lung) for maybe some quartz, pyrite and dolomite. Vendor trash.