Wait, did your caseworker just announce this eligibility to you without you having asked about it?

Or have I wildly misread the situation?

Going to come back to this to reflect in more detail to your original post and to this comment, but wanted to quickly float the idea that perhaps these people view you as particularly sound, so when they lay things on you or are just more emotional or intense in front of you, and you seem unphased - neither rushing to condemn them nor scrambling to reassure - they interpret that as disapproval from someone whom they find sound. And that because they value your judgement & integrity, they get sheepish and awkward in the absence of a strong outward reaction, which in turn you interpret as them thinking ill of you.

Only suggesting this because have seen quite a bit of this between people, and experienced mild versions of both ends of that dynamic.

Not that it helps, if it even resonates, or provides guidance.

Am so glad you spoke with the vet and that you’ve escaped that part of things.

Much love to you!

Sweetheart,

Choked up just thinking of how you are feeling. Losing a pet, and so suddenly is the worst.

Please be gentle with yourself. Hesitant to suggest much, as you sound so vulnerable just now.

What kind of things do you think might be distracting or soothing when you notice your mind has drifted into the self-blame stuff? Are there any friends who live nearby that you could visit?

Do you think, maybe, that even if HRT wouldn’t touch the deepest stuff, that it would ease some matters and give you a bit more space?

It hurts to hear your friend is abusive toward you. I hope you can find ways to be as supportive toward yourself as you have been toward others - I get that the idea isn’t always so comfortable if there’s a lot of heavy history, but tending to yourself is the best way to tend to everything around you.

Does not sound fun. Hope you’re well recovered from that now.

Tend to be underweight, and should probably be eating more rather than less, but oh well. Wonky signals all round!

Mm, they went up a bit ago to $2.74, the scandal.

If true, one can conclude I ought to drink more, being able to hold on for at least 48hrs, or that I have some glitch which aids bladder control.

Do not recommend, for general comfort or urinary health, but wetting the bed is a distant concern.

When things are that bad, attending to the urge to pee combined with a strong addiction to tobacco are probably the main things.

As one can postpone the former for several hours and the latter indefinitely, end up coaxing myself to get moving on one with the promise of the other.

Then the cigarette makes me feel much thirstier, so this motivates me to make a cup of tea. Besides, at that point am already up and half way to the kitchen, so it seems less daunting.

Getting low on tobacco is usually a good way to shove myself out of the house, and that means a good wash. Running out completely can be disastrous unless already showered & dressed, however with rollups can usually scramble together a final cigarette from unburnt tobacco in old butts & use thin notepaper if out of rolling papers.

Isn’t ideal, but is what it is & whether this stuff gets me to the kitchen or out to the shops, other bits & pieces flow from there which might not otherwise.

In general, pushing myself to perform good habits before things get close to bad seems best - sleep, hydration, nutrition, personal hygiene, exercise, housework, etc., but as they all seem to evaporate as possibilities in the blink of an eye, am unsure that they actually stave off much.

Eat, trip, soil health, building materials & more.

Not if their policies increase the rate of reproduction, no, or at least, not for some time, because they know that unwanted & unplanned pregnancies increase the desperation of the women, both in the immediate sense & in slashing the numbers of women who can access education > good employment > sufficient societal security to unionise.

They intend to make it ever harder for anyone, but especially women, to obtain sterilisation or other means of reducing risk of pregnancy. This is why they chase reproductive health in general, even things such as IVF.

You already know these people to be dangerous ideologues - I’d caution against underestimating them or their grotesque vision.

The extension of their arguments is firstly that women who wish to avoid the risk of being charged with manslaughter or murder in the wake of a miscarriage must abide by behavioural guidelines which are contrary to science. i.e., to rest indoors anytime she may be pregnant.

The intended effect being to remove women of childbearing age from the workplace & from public life.

Secondly: to severely undermine reproductive healthcare, such that clinics shut, specialists flee, research is stopped & general knowledge regarding reproductive health & access to care plummets.

The overarching ideology being the production of new labourers & to increase desperation, so that Capitalists can avail of ever-cheaper labour in order to lure factories to set up in the US. This is the endgame of “bringing back our jobs” + anti-abortion rhetoric.

Just sometimes get twingey about upvoting the comments without replying.

Countryside thing was some bus-related confusion (only partly my fault), supposedly on a trip to a suburb, but which saw me on the side of a very dangerous rural road in the mountains in terrible visibility. Determined to hike out over what turned out to be remarkably perilous footing, so had to rethink that and return to where I’d begun.

Eventually got verrry lucky with an option out, but once back on flat terrain indoors, discovered my balance was especially screwed.

Am fairly experienced with wilderness survival without tools or supplies & in very adverse weather, but this basic situation, close to a city & in temperate zone early spring, had me somewhat alarmed.

Squee. This is one amazing turnaround!

Ahhh, the self-doubt that drives people who excel in their areas to continually strive to improve even more… I don’t mean to be dismissive, but I think this is a feature of your passion & determination, and these things carry people far further than raw aptitude alone.

Had typed out a longer reply but Memmy ate it. Apologies if both appear at your end.

Let us know how it goes.

Oooh, this is exciting. Has been so lovely to hear all your updates about how things are going for you & this latest girl.

Have a beautiful time!

Sounds like my parents’ kitchen. It used to be somewhat sensible, and my mother doesn’t have much interest in buying stuff for it, but my father will just appear with things for her.

She’s finally got him to ease off a lot lately, but he’ll still try to persuade her to let him order things she doesn’t need or want.

Happy Birthday vacationing!!

Cheering you on anyhow, but want to tell us about any of them?

Why nervous about the voice training?

Ouch.

Hope you are managing to get enough nutrients into yourself whilst things are so bad.

The better quality protein shakes taste nasty, but some brands have juice-based versions which can be easier to keep down.