Not OP, but for me it was realising I was dronegender. I could either be an atheist whose identity was valid but not “real” as I conceived it, or I could embrace a religion that said my identity was achievable. That said mind melding with a swarm was possible and I could be who I am in a physical sense and not just a personal one.
Also I met a god. She’s nice.
I need magic in order to feel like myself. I couldn’t keep being an atheist once I started using magic.