Ignotum

There’s only one explanation

Hey don’t slutshame, let’s keep this a hotplug-positive community

As someone still laying in bed, scrolling Lemmy instead of doing chores

Please don’t pull it out, it’s a load-bearing fork

Yes thank you for coming here on such short notice,
please go boom the people that keep calling us boomers

Ok Boomer

Just do it two more times, duh

Oh i was already doing one of those actually

Oh i was already doing one of those actually

I’m outside, holding my phone to scroll Lemmy, without gloves

I can with absolute confidence tell you that the coldest thing in the known universe is not some quantum chip, it’s my fingers

You don’t even need substances, if you just lie down for a while you’ll black out for like 8 hours

Less reliable but way cheaper than chemical blackouts

I’m out on a walk, listening to a podcast, and scrolling Lemmy…

I’m still short 2 forms of distraction, but i’m running out of senses to overstimulate!

A pile of money on fire

And then Apple refusing to repair it due to “water damage”

Are you sure? That flame is awfully close to the floof

That’s why it’s so scary 😱

I don’t like all the new rules
I’m sticking to math 3.5, the best edition

American students every couple weeks

They arrived just in time to see a bunch of farmers turned terrorist, burning down a church.

They heroically rushed in to defeat the terrorists and save as many women and valuables as they could from the burning structures

Don’t believe what the media tells you, they’re actually heroes!

Reistace is futile
carcinisation is inevitable
give up
give in
we are crab 🦀

The entire time he was thinking

“This could’ve been an email”