i think it is incredibly unfair that the process of ending your own life is, in this culture, a necessarily lonely and grim affair.

according to the theory of complete bodily autonomy the option must be available, simple, painless, and ideally a joyful shared experience. but the moment you make such a desire known to others, they will try to “help” you. and i can assure you that their idea of “help” will not be pleasant for you.

so, sadly, you must tread this path alone.

philosophically, i think it offends people because it forces them to acknowledge that their own life is probably not worth preserving. we force each other to suffer through it all because no one wants to openly admit that this shit just plain-old-sucks.

i (longtime ex-mo) am fifth generation from Parley P Pratt who personally helped brother Joseph develop his insipid theology.

our ancestors stood together at ensign peak. such a proud history

hello. that was really lovely to read.

i share a lot of similarities with your story. although honestly you seem to be faring much better than i have into my middle age.

there definitely was a successful future for me to be had. but i fell off that path hard a decade ago and now i have very little hope nor desire to find success in any standard measure.

it has been an interesting experience to discover exactly how and why i made the choices that have landed me in my current situation. i am well beyond regret or blame (per se), and am simply grateful for some tiny piece of reality to call my own.

honesty is important.

good luck.

when i encounter a dog turd on the sidewalk, i usually imagine force-feeding it to the nasty owner who left it there. it makes me super angry.

i spend a lot of time alone and so my mind wandering out unattended can be a real problem. years ago (45 now), i finally traced back to the single moments in my life that caused my demise and since then my brain LOVES to torture me repeatedly with the pain and betrayal and shame and anger of those moments.

1.5 years ago i found something that helps. i made “elevator music” for my mind.

i have always had a bit of a problem getting songs stuck in my head. so i found one that i like but not love (not a favorite song) that i have known for forever, and put the chorus and bridge on permanent replay.

the tune and lyrics are available as a reflex, last for about a minute before the loopback, it is calming and centering and allows me to manually wrest control away from thought processes that are harming me but seem to be happening automatically.

it may be that this is too specific of a solution, but it aids my sanity. good luck to you.

(the song is: “Spinning the Wheel” by George Michael)

it is really bugging me that you are getting heavily downvoted for this. it’s not like you are actively proselytizing here. i am sorry people are so shitty.

i think belief in (some type of) god is probably pretty healthy. unfortunately, my life experience has led me to a failure to believe in anything at all.

anyways… you do you. be well.

i got to spend 30 minutes in the doctors waiting room last week and they had a pop playlist running. i rarely listen to (any) music these days and spend my time in public with earplugs jammed in my ears.

the music coming from those speakers was ungodly distracting, aggressive, poorly constructed and LOUD. i brought it up to my family and they told me i sound like an old man (45).

i don’t think it’s just my age.

loudness wars

Danny-fucking-Kaye

no hangry robots please.

25 years ago i thought “rapport” was pronounced in a french-ish “rap-WAH”.

i still cringe.

this is not a meme. this is a comic.

what the hell is going on around here?

caressing the blueberry bushes

oh my lord. lolz

ugh. influencers are the worst. old man grumble