Donnie Darkroast

Aight imma head to my crib finna pop some caps yall

I can’t rally the ring, Mr. Frodo…but I can rally you!

Well, that’s a brand new sentence.

Funko pops are the herpes of civilization.

As someone who owns my own home, let me just say…me too. I don’t care if my house value goes to zero. I still have a house. I don’t know how anyone in the middle class can get into house ownership without crippling debt.

The only ones who should cry are the home-hoarding investors and landlords. Fuck em.

Is it weird that this turns me on a little?

They"re not my favourite, but they’re definitely #2

But not a Republican convention. Firearms are banned there.

But why?

You know, there’s a story in here somewhere. A monkey’s paw that only grants shitty-sounding wishes, but the side-effects are massively beneficial.

“Teleport”

Mint would be a colourful toy piano. Just the way I like it.

It’s so plug & play

Yeah, 30 seconds would just make most blind people barf and shut their eyes until it went away, since their brains haven’t learned to properly process the video.

If they did, it would be over Harold Ramis’ dead body.

Who’s gonna paint over the outlets and cockroaches? Who’s gonna wait months for that heater part to get delivered?

Yup, and chirping their morning call.

“PiTtEr PaTtEr LeT’s GeT aTtEr!!1”

I hear you. I’m an insufferable morning person, but my son goes harder and is almost always up before sunrise.

That’s one whisper you shouldn’t be careless with.