Imagine farting so good, it’s your profession.
“What do you, Steve?”
“I am a flatulist.”
“Oh you play the flute?”
“More like a tuba…”
“I am the instrument”
“… so, you’re a singer”
“I’m a singer doing a handstand”
This is the kind of material the king is looking for. How are your farts?
There are still people playing the lute and all kinds of other historic instruments. There must be a group of devoted flatulists out there? I’m not just saying any old farters, I’m talking true flatulists.
If my family is any indication, there are underemployed flatulists out there, farting at jobs that don’t support them for their contributions.
I’ve been known to knock out a several second solo on the rectaphone. Doesn’t tend to be at will though (well I don’t want him to slap me).
well there’s
This one was pretty dedicated to the art of bumbulum, but sadly was forced to retire.
Truly, the brightest flame burns the quickest.
I am a true flatulist. I would love to play you the sound of my people. You know one could say that I kinda admire you, so I wrote a song just for you. It would be an honor to perform.
Bumbulum is such a great word
Whoa, Black Betty
“Bulum” means “instrument”, so it literally means “bum instrument”
It’s a bulum out of the bum.
Imagine being the king, and you’ve got that one friend you want to put on payroll, but their only claim to fame is farting.
Man, things really were a bore before radio huh?
it was genuinely so fucking boring that people were more than happy to give any visiting traveller free food and housing so long as they told some stories and news, you could straight up live your life as a travelling storyteller because everyone was so dreadfully desperate for some entertainment.
I mean that is still the case now with celebrities, just the “give them stuff” now is outsourced.
I need to see a performance of one jump, one whistle, and one fart
Also, does fart originate from flatulence art?
Life will not be the same after this.
A close elevator is now an excusite art gallery.My basketball team used to do great fart performances in the van before the out-games. Truly amazing people. Material for Fartonauts.
I am impressed at the control you’d have to have to not only fart on command, but to fart so consistently that it is considered a specific performance with a name. “Oh, I love this one!” It’s amazing.
Totally shit his pants at least once before he got good at it
Or perhaps that’s what marks a true flatulist. They’re just built different.
You know that dude ate what he knew made his trumpet bump it for days prior to the audience with the king
Yeah, my immediate thought was, “he must have eaten a lot of dairy, and lactaid wasn’t an option.”
I wonder if he was lactose intolerant. Either way, he found a way to monetize it.
Last week, I was watching a live taping of a comedy podcast, where a couple of journalists tell crazy stories from history.
They were doing the story of serial scammer, Frank Abergnale, aka the guy Leonardo DiCaprio plays in Catch Me If You Can. The problem with this story is that Frank Abergnale might be full of shit in his own right, as the only source for much of his story is based on his self-biography, which is very likely not true.
The hosts take turns researching and telling the stories, while the other one listens. This week, the storyteller was the lactose intolerant guy. So, because he knew his story was gonna be a lot of bullshit, he had brought a packet of 18 cheap cheeses. So if the listening host got a whiff of this being a lie, he would be able to call bullshit, and the storytelling host would have to eat one of the cheeses as punishment on behalf of Mr. Abergnale.
All this to say that this comment made me realize, we still have jesters and flatulists today. We just call them comedians and podcast hosts.
I can’t decide if Abergnale making everything up makes him a lesser scammer or even better than we thought.
I looked up what flatulists are, and I’m happy to announce that I have found my dream job.
Performance anxiety and stage fright would do me in personally.
Depending on your response to anxiety, those could be performance enhancing
Id overcommit and shit my pants in front of the king
Imagine 20 years on, he’s an established country gentleman, married with grown children, and he still has to ride to court every Christmas to fart for the king.
Notable flatulists: two Brits and a French. I dunno you, but they seem full of shit.
Actually being full of shit is probably bad for your career as a flatulist.
Or good, depending on how gross the king is
I love these inspirational stories. Puts some spark back into a guy’s dreams.
What’s the musical symbol for a vibrato on that instrument?
You add a ~ above the note
The same as the symbols for the other end of the tube.
🗯️
I’m so good, my wife gives me the couch to sleep on.
One Jump, One Whistle, One Fart
Didn’t George Thorogood cover that song?
I have more impressive talents than that. I can haz house please?
To be fair I think this talent may be firmly in 'you had to be there territory.
If you fart in the woods and nobody is around to hear it… is it automatically deadly?
