Farting is an essential day to day activity. It helps maintain a healthy lifestyle and keeps bloating away. There are multiple types of farts, but the most common way to categorize them is by the loudness/stinkyness ratio. Essentially, the louder the fart, the less stinky (fully silent farts are the most nocive for surrounding victims). Farting can be enjoyed alone or can be turned into a group activity.
Only flatulence novices believe all Deadlies must be Silent.
Truly, the quality of the stink factor is congruent to the proximity of the fecal matter to the anus.
But what if the quality and composition of the fecale matter is shittier than shit? Then the fart quality would be compromised
You left out the best part:
“While serving in the army, he told his fellow soldiers about his special ability, and repeated it for their amusement, sucking up water from a pan into his rectum and then projecting it up to several yards.”
No discourse on farts is complete without mention of the Dutch oven. The type of cover material used to create the oven is just as important as what is eaten prior to the farting itself
Fart into the dutch oven. Give the food a farty taste
The Dutch Oven was an important landmark innovation in farting culture; for the first time, mankind was able to extend the duration of a ripe one.
The rankness of a fart can be expressed in decibel-Farts (dBF), a logarithmic scale where dBF = 10 log10(F1/F2).
Characterizing F in standard units is a bit of a chore, but broadly speaking the resolution concentration of hydrogen sulfide (H2S) in air for humans-- the concentration at which 50% of people can detect its odor-- is about 4.73ppb, or 4.73 x 10^-9.
A cubic meter of air at sea level (1 atm or 760mmHg) at 15°C contains about 2.53 x 10^25 molecules of mixed gasses. Scaling to a cubic meter, the volume for detection of H2S for humans would be about 1.19 x 10^17 H2S molecules per cubic meter. This value is your F2, our reference intensity for detecting farts.
A typical human fart has a concentration of anywhere between .001ppm and 1ppm of H2S concentration, or between 1x10^-9 and 1x10^-6, or scaled to between 2.53x10^19 and 2.53x10^22 H2S molecules in a cubic meter of air.
Therefore the rankness of a typical fart could be expressed as a decibel ratio vs the resolution density falling somewhere between 23dBF and 53dBF.
This is a useful expression of rankness for modeling attenuation over time, accounting for dispersion, wind drift, and distance from the zero point.
Give this man a masters degree innfartology
My protege
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Farting isn’t an art. You can’t paint with a fart, but you can paint with a shart. 💩
Fart towards a lighter and channel the fartflame towards a non-inflamable canvas and enjoy the result
