Also, the Jewish God and Muslim Allah are on the International Space Station.
This is a parody account, right? Right?
It must be there’s no way this is real.
Oh dip, nice username
God: All knowing and all powerful But wait, satellites, oh no!
Bulletproof logic
National Association of Satan’s Atheists, or NASA.
I’m proud to be one of Satan’s Atheists, but we’re actually international now. We’ve got a chapter in Manchester.
Yes that’s the INASA.
This is the right amount of crazy that I’m not sure if it’s honest or parody for this country.
Also: Jesus gets my prayers because he’s in my heart, checkmate atheists.
Your cardiologist would like a word about having a 2,000 year old corpse in your heart.
This is the right amount of crazy to accidentally become real.
Which country?
The gun and Christian fundamentalist one.
MAGA. We put the Fun in “fundamental.”
That’s not Jesus in your heart, it’s a worm
Wait, is that why people were taking ivermectin? Not to cure COVID, but to get rid of their Jesus heart worm?
“Satellites block God’s ability to watch us”
The omniscient, omnipotent god is defeated by a piece of space trash? What a rip-off.
Same God that ‘decided’ a year shouldn’t land on a whole day. Threw in that .25 for shits and giggles.
If you accept the Biblical proof of God you do also have to accept that he’s a huge asshole.
Funny how this is a Twitter post as half of all satellites orbiting earth (5581 out of 11300) are owned by Musk.
No, you’re mistaken. Lonnie is on the Right, which means his satellites reflect and amplify prayers. Or at least get a pass. He hates LGBTQ people, so he’s “good.” /s
Evel
All prayers are being converted to “bring back Evel Knievel.” We really want him back.
Isn’t God supposed to be all-powerful and omnipotent?
That should tell you just how serious this issue with satellites is…
yes but he doesn’t want to interfere with our precious free will, starvation and rape be damned
we just have to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps
All those prayers from soccer fans for their team to win the World Cup were being intercepted all along 😥
That explains all the USA and Russian World Cup championships won. Too much technology 😧
Satan wins again. At this point the Christians have to admit they chose the losing side.
I mean this God of theirs is shit, can’t even get around satellites, didn’t think humans might beat their cocks raw despite seeing it constantly in Human 1.0 (Chimps), or that they might eat fish on a Tuesday or whatever. Even Jesus was fucking a whore and he was God incarnate.
Also God invented Cancer.
Jesus fucking a prostitute. I’m interested. Never read the bible so I don’t know about it, but I’m curious.
Mary Magdalene. It’s never explicitly stated in the canonical Bible (as if that means anything), but they were very close.
She was just one of His many followers, it’s quite an absurd speculation. Also doesn’t say that she was a prostitute anywhere.
This is an actual Biblical fact, for more details see the documentary The Da Vinci Code.
If it was a biblical fact, you could give me details by giving me biblical references, not a french fiction novel 😂
Autism, huh?
What? I asked for references from the actual collection of documents that depict Jesus, instead of a fictional novel written in 2003
True. If only the was more than one story from his life between being a child, and being in his 30s… Oh well I guess we’ll just have to assume he lived as a monk and denied himself of anything pleasurable 🙄
Though I recently learned that there is a book about it, it’s just that it wasn’t chosen to be “canonical,” and therefore means you can ignore it completely? Curiously, Jesus does some really fucked up things in that book, including showing off his powers, and killing people just to bring them back to life. The Infancy Gospel of Thomas is the book btw.
Who gets to decide that book isn’t true but the rest are?
The infancy Gospel of Thomas was written well over one hundred years after Jesus had already left earth, in the second century. It claimed that Jesus performed random frivolous miracles for fun, when the Gospel of John said that the water to wine miracle was the first. We also don’t know who “Thomas the Israelite” is either.
It’s likely just something someone made up to try and give a narrative for Jesus’ childhood.
Jesus also likely cast the demons out of Mary Magdalene while in His thirties. Jesus wouldn’t need a female partner if He actually was truly God.
When were Matthew, Mark, Luke and John written?
Here, let me save you a quick Google:
The Gospel of Mark probably dates from c. AD 66–70, Matthew and Luke around AD 85–90, and John AD 90–110. Despite the traditional ascriptions, all four are anonymous and most scholars agree that none were written by eyewitnesses.
Oh look at that.
after Jesus had already left Earth
Lol ok bud. Whatever delusion makes you happy.
What are you trying to prove? The infancy gospel of thomas was written likely around 180AD and even then, people were already calling it out as being a fake.
You clearly aren’t looking for an open-minded discussion by calling me “delusional”, anyway.
Interesting. Memories from my Christian school are coming back :'(
Is this a parody account? It’s impossible to tell anymore.
That sounds like the story of those Christians who were afraid of lightning rods because it might interfere with their God’s ability to punish people by lightning.
Or the ones who thought street lighting was demonic. This pattern has basically occurred repeatedly throughout history
I consider these associations of QOL improvements with mythical characteristics attempts of narrative control, with which religious leaders could exert power over new developments. My assumption is that previously, organised religions were powerful and agile enough in their narrative that those new development could be held in control of the religion, but with the beginning of exponential and distributed knowledge production they were kinda outnumbered and became as weird as they are today. I have no motivation or sources to back this up, though.
Sorry mate, I think you’re just crazy.
It’s likely just paranoid people using religion to justify their paranoia
Let’s detonate the moon since it’s the biggest satellite
I kind of hope it’s real. Down that path at some point they’ll decide the whole Internet and all modern technologies are satanist and leave Internet for good. They can embrace the Amish lifestyle, it’s a win for the rest of us.
You obviously never got stuck behind a horse and buggy on the road and it shows.
C’mon, the picture is clearly ironic
Don’t be so serious about it
Any sufficiently advanced satire of fundamentalism is indistinguishable from sincere fundamentalism.
Poe’s Law is in full effect here.
